Saturday 25 July 2015

How to contact us




If you are supportive or interested in information please feel free to contact us on

robina@slowest.net


For those that are not supportive, please accept, we do not want to offend you in any way. 

We all have different lives and hope that yours can be a happy one.

Trust in your surrogate





Friends and family have asked how do you make sure that a surrogate will do the right thing?

The best answer I have found was on a surrogacy forum. It was from a woman that has already given the gift of life to a family.

It is very simple...TRUST.

You need to trust that your surrogate will do the right thing by you and your baby. 

If you do not trust your surrogate then maybe it is not the right match. 

Trust relates to open communication and clearly understanding each others expectation. 



Another question is about distance. How would you handle living far away from your surrogate?

While it would be hard I think I have had good training. 

My family has lived many hundreds of kilometres from me, for most of my life, so I am very comfortable with distances. As a child I had to go to boarding school to have a secondary education. At the beginning the homesickness was terrible, but you learn to get on with it. My objectives was to get the best education possible and make sure I did not waste my parents money. There was a very good reason to be away from my family, so even though it was hard it was worth it.

I imagine, to begin with, the surrogate and I would agree to how often we wanted to catch up and how often we would chat on the telephone. With Skype, email, texting and telephone calls it is so much easier to stay connected these days. 



Monday 13 July 2015

Legislation

I have just spent a lazy evening reading through legislation. I want to be as informed as possible when meeting with specialists, lawyers and medical practitioners. 











Some of the legislation relating to the Western Australia jurisdiction:
  • Surrogacy Act 2008
  • Human Reproductive Technology Act 1991 
  • Surrogacy Regulation 2009

Link to legislation:

Note: Each state in Australia has different legislation.


There was an interesting list of requirements within the Surrogacy Regulations 2009, section 4, Counselling about implications of surrogacy arrangement. This would form the basis of a good list of questions that Arranging Parents and Surrogates could discuss upfront. 

Even though there are so many documents there are still questions and topics I cannot resolve. It appears that clinics have their own additional requirements. It is important to have your eyes wide open when commencing this journey.

I have decided to have a general idea of requirements then focus in on what is required at each phase of the process. It is way to overwhelming to try and understand and address everything right now. 

Costs





Right now my partner and I are simply trying to collect as much information as possible. On the medicareless site I found this list of costs. It is interesting to see the variation in estimates. 

How much does Surrogacy cost?


While some of the below costs are essential some may not be, each surrogacy arrangement is different.
Pre Surrogacy Counselling – $1500-$2000
Legal Advice both surrogate and intending parents – $2000-$5000
Review or draft surrogacy agreement – $1000-$8000
IVF Process (one cycle) – $10,000 – $18,000
Health Insurance for surrogate – $1000-$2500
Life and death insurance for surrogate – $500-$5,000
OB costs – $0 – $5000
Maternity clothes – $0 – $1000
Petrol & Parking – $0-$500
Intending mothers hospital fee – $0 – $5000
Loss of wages for surrogate and / or partner – $0 – $10,000
Post surrogacy counselling – $1000 – $1500
Post surrogacy legals both surrogate and intending parents – $8000 to $20,000


Two Wolves

When I am feeling hard done by or a bit grumpy I like to go for a jog and remind myself of the following:

Two Wolves

One evening, an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority. lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?".

The old Cherokee simple replied, "The one you feed."

Saturday 11 July 2015

Explaining surrogacy to children

The Kangaroo Pouch Review: Explaining Surrogacy on Your Child’s Level


http://www.adoption.net/a/infertility/blogs-infertility/the-kangaroo-pouch-review-explaining-surrogacy-on-your-childs-level/21963/


Handy work - Making a cot

The last time we went to the farm I happened to see my old cot in one of the sheds.

I fell in love with it.

Mum and Dad brought the cot to the city for us to work on. It is now one of our "handyman" jobs to clean up and see if we can make it nice enough to use. 

I think it is so beautiful because it reminds me of home and my childhood. Others that are more level headed are suggesting I might be a little nostalgic! 

Sunday 5 July 2015

Why altruistic surrogacy and not adoption?

We are often asked why we would not try adoption. We are not against adoption it is just extremely hard.  



The counselor we were required to meet with before our IVF cycle told us IVF was more likely to be successful than adoption. This made me cry. After knowing the statistics for IVF cycles (in WA low), adoption must be close to impossible.

We have started to look into the figures to ensure we had a good idea of the chances.

The ability to adopt a child in Australia has become increasingly more difficult.  Some statistics might show you how it is getting harder.

In 1971 – 1972, in Australia there were 9,798 children that were adopted locally and internationally. Across the years the number of children have declined:
  • 1991 – 1992, there were 1,052 children
  • 2005 – 2006 there were 576 children
  • 2008 – 2009 there were 441 children
  • 2012 – 2013 there were 339 children


In SA, there are 3-4 young infants a year put up for adoption over the last few years. It is stated that this is indicative of all states in Australia.

In 2008-2009, of the 441 children, 68 children were local, 269 children from overseas, and the other 104 are “known child adoption” that is adoption when a family member adopts.

We are looking at international adoption and it is 5-7 years before a child is able to be adopted and brought home to Australia. There are so many couples wanting to adopt.

In Australia, for every 1,000 children born, there are two children that are put up for adoption. In the UK the ratio is 1000:7 and in America it is 1000:30.

There are obviously different policies across those countries that impact the figures.

Nonetheless, surrogacy or adoption it is difficult to finally be able to make a beautiful little family.


Stay hopeful!

“Hope and Altruistic Surrogacy”



We hope that “Hope and Altruistic Surrogacy” is useful in some way. 

We hope:

  • it can keep friends and family up to date on our journey.
  • the blog will help others in our situation. I have provided links to legislation and govt. web sites etc. Even if we are not successful, I would like to see another couples wishes come true.
  • it might help us reach out to an amazing women that would contemplate being a gestational altruistic surrogate for us. A gestational surrogate is where a wonderful woman takes our embryo (genetic material) and grows it into a beautiful baby for us. Fingers crossed. 
  • it might also help a surrogate get to know a little about Ryan and I before making contact with us. If they don’t like the sound of us they don’t have to go any further. As you can imagine, it is really important that everyone gets along, we hope the surrogate and her family will continue to be a part of our lives forever.

There are wonderful people...

We decided early on to try and meet and talk to as many people as possible about Altruistic Surrogacy. It is such a big decision and we want to know as much as we can.

Today, Ryan and I met a really lovely couple that are also trying to find a birthing mother. Their story is one of determination and endless hope. It is so hard to stay positive for so many years, it appears their relationship is very strong and they have managed to stay happy and full of hope.

They were very supportive and helped us with so many details we had not yet thought of. 

Talking to others can be so very useful and hope to meet more people wanting to be surrogates and Intending Parents in the future.

Wednesday 1 July 2015

When life is stressful a few sayings to remember

The most destructive habit - Worry
The greatest joy - Giving
The greatest loss - Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work - Helping others
The ugliest personality trait - Selfishness
The most endangered species - Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource - Our youth
The greatest "shot in the arm" - Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome - Fear
The most effective sleeping pill - Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease - Excuses
The most powerful force in life - Love
The most dangerous pariah - A gossiper
The worst thing to be without - Hope
The deadliest weapon - The tongue
The two most power-filled words - I can
The greatest asset - Faith
The most worthless emotion - Self-pity
The most beautiful attire - A smile
The most prized possession - Integrity
The most contagious spirit - Enthusiasm