Perth Surrogacy Girls - Sunday Picnic

On Sunday, I met up with the lovely ladies that make up the Perth Surrogacy group. Every time I meet these lovely ladies I learn something or I am challenged on my views to think differently. It is a really non-confronting environment that makes me think, which is great.

In the group, there was a surrogate and egg donor, a hopeful surrogate, intending parents, parents with a child from surrogacy.

These were some of the ideas that came up in conversation

• Break down the “us and them” perspective – team work makes the dream work – surrogates and Intending parents are needed for the journey to be complete
• Have a Doula to support both the surrogate and the intending parents, she might also be OK to take the odd photograph. Often midwives are busy with more than one birthing mother so if you want the comfort of reassurance when you want is without any delays perhaps a doula is the way to go.
• A doula (/ˈduːlə/), also known as a birth companion and post-birth supporter, is a nonmedical person who assists a person before, during, and/or after childbirth, as well as her spouse and/or family, by providing physical assistance and emotional support.
• Some people are not that interested in photographs, the group suggested that you take photos of the birth, it will only ever happen once.
• Enable the baby to know the intending parents voices, perhaps it is regularly meeting with the birth mother, make a recoding and then there are the microphone things that can be placed in all kinds of places. Check with your surrogate to see if she is happy to help.
• Check with your hospital if they know about the “Sacred Hour” and the 9 stages of baby breast feeding.
• Know the personalities of the people involved in the surrogacy process. Introverted people often get energy and become calm when they are able to spend time with themselves. An extrovert often needs to share emotions and experiences with all the people around them. You can imagine that these two approaches could cause conflict in a tense situation, like waiting for a baby to arrive. Both the intending parents and the surrogate needs to try and understand where the other person/ people are coming from.   
• The surrogate has to have the ability to communicate with people about what they are about to go through. It is an amazing thing to do for another person and not being able to talk about it would be very difficult.
• It is helpful for intending parents to have people to chat to, getting vital information from others going through the same thing. The same is for  surrogates, they need to understand what they are about to do, they learn by talking to others. Personally, I avoid too much time on forums unless I have a specific question. I found that I was starting to worry more than I would usually, especially when I was taking on board the problems of the participants on the forum. I would like to help people but I think it is important to also look after your own mental health as well.   
• Establish a friendship between the surrogate (and her family) and intended parents, then talk about surrogacy. This will help if things get tough later down the track.