I really like the answers Crystal has given in this article. Note in Australia all surrogates, including the gestational ones are unable to be paid, the process must be altruistic.
How
can you possibly give up a baby you’ve carried for 9 months?
That’s messed up. Well let’s see, are you
afraid your long-time babysitter is going to kidnap your child one day?
Doubtful. (If you are, you should probably look into switching care givers ASAP.)
Most reputable agencies require surrogates to have at least one child of their
own for keepsies before they can apply to be a surrogate. I think this is to
ensure that they know what assholes newborns are, so they don’t have any
delusions. Surrogates do form a bond with the baby like any good babysitter
would. But you go into surrogacy knowing it’s not yours to keep. Plus, when you
see that baby with her parents for the first time, the look on their faces
makes it very easy to hand her over.
But
come on, won’t you feel like it’s your baby?
Since it’s not my baby…no, I won’t.
Gestational carriers are not genetically related to the baby (unless you’re
carrying for a family member. Then you just get to buy the World’s Best Aunt
onesies and own that shit.) The embryos are created by the parents and/or
donors, and Little Bun gets in your oven via IVF. Not by bumping uglies with
the intended father. That’s the old fashioned way. Not a gestational surrogate.
You don’t give a surrogate baby up; you just give them back.
Isn’t
using a surrogate just for pretentious women and celebrities who don’t want to
get fat?
If those parents exist, they are the
exception rather than the rule. Most people who use a surrogate are just
ordinary people who had to get creative to build their family. They are gay
couples, straight couples, single fathers, older couples and couples with
unexplained infertility. There are women who almost died giving birth to their
first child and women who lost their lady bits to cancer. The common thread is
that they are all real people with the same end game. To grow their family.
How
much are they paying you? You must be getting rich.
Umm what’s your salary run these days? Matter
of fact, what are your political and religious beliefs? Can I have a bite of
your sandwich and your social security number real quick? In general this is a
rude question to ask anyone. But the short answer is “not enough.” Medical
bills are covered by the intended parents, and most gestational surrogates are
paid some sort of pre-birth child support for carrying the baby. (Note: not legal in Australia) But,
unlike traditional babysitters, there aren’t many women out there who can put a
fair price tag on morning sickness, stretch marks, transvaginal ultrasounds,
cankles, insomnia, daily hormone injections, threat of death and oh
yeah…hurling a baby out of your vagina for another person. You definitely don’t
go into surrogacy for the money.
Why
don’t they just adopt?
Most often this question (surprisingly)
comes from people who have their own biological children. So, right back at ya.
Why didn’t you adopt? Why didn’t you pull from this overflowing magical
clearance bin of babies instead of making one that’s genetically linked to you?
Because A) That clearance bin doesn’t exist, and adoption hoops can be
heartbreaking and never-ending. B) Because some people want to see a little
piece of living history continue on. That mother has a right to hope that her
son gets her father’s eyes or her grandmother’s smile just as much as anyone
else. A gestational surrogate just helps make it possible.
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